I will wait for you
by Patchworkhearts17
Summary: Alfred and Ludwig have always been friends, but their friendship has been put to the test. Will Ludwig be able to hold on until Alfred wakes up, or will he leave to find someone new, someone who can actually love him? Do not own Hetalia
1. Chapter 1

It was, at least in his mind, arguable which day was truly the worst day of his life. Ludwig often had to think it over which he should regret most. Maybe it was two days ago when he got into a fight and won, but managed to scare even the people who had been routing for him. Or much much farther back, when out of no particular dicision what so ever he developed in his mothers womb as a boy. No, in the end it always came back to one day in the spring of his third grade year, when a pretty girl had said she loved him, yes that was the worst day ever.

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Netalia, she was by far the prettiest girl in his class, a girl that if you hadn't known her you would have gladly excepted her invitation of love. But Ludwig had known her, she was surly, and scary if you upset her, one of the reasons he always hid from her, back then he didn't want to get into fights, he was a lover, not a fighter. She had gone up to him on the playground one sunny day, telling him she loved him, and that they needed to get marred. Ludwig walked her over to one of the places none of the teachers every really looked to talk to her, if he was going to get beat up he still wanted some dignity.

"N-Netalia..." He was shaking, his cheeks burned bright red.

"Yes, husband-to-be~" She smiled at him lovingly.

"I'm sorry, Netalia, I-I really like you, but not like that..." Ludwig looked at his sneakers, waiting for her to explode. He was not dissipponted.

"You- YOU JERK!" She slammed a fist against his face and he stumbled to the ground, "WHY! WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME?"

"I'm, sorry Netalia, I just don't like girls..." Ludwig felt a stream of hot red flowing down his face from his nose, "Its not you, its-" he was yanked up by his shirt caller, he knew he didn't have much time to make his peace with the lord, or who ever might be up in heaven. He started praying in German quickly under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut, not wanting to see the end coming.

"Hey! What are you doing to Luddie?" Alfred exclamed rushing in to stop her from delivering the fatal blow, "Put him down Nataly!"

"It's Netalia!" She dropped the beaten boy and growled at the newcomer, "What ever, I'm going to find big brother." She walked away in a huff to find her stepbrother Ivan.

"Hey, you o.k. Ludwig?" Alfred nealt down next to him and observed what he was doing.

"Yeah, I'm used to taking a beating from my brother." Ludwig tried to smile, but winced as a fresh spurt of blood dripped out of his nose, "But then again, he doesn't mean to hurt me..."

"That doesn't look good, we should show the teacher-" Alfred was cut of.

"No! If my dad finds out I got beaten up by a girl he might send me to military school!" Ludwig considered that the worst case scenario, he could handle being grounded, having to do extra chore's, but his father punished him like that for the minor things, if he found out... "He can't find out!"

"Alright... Umm," Alfred snapped his fingers, "I know! We'll tell her you fell when we were chasing each other!" Ludwig stare continued, "That way your dad wont find out, and you'll get sent to the nurse!"

"That's a good idea, actually..." Ludwig was going to stand up on his own, but Alfred offered him a hand, and he took it.

"Look like your in pain." Alfred whispered to him as he lead them to the teacher, still holding Ludwig's hand tightly, "Mrs. K." Alfred said innocently, she looked to them and gasped.

"Oh my! What happened?" She crouched down to look them in the eye.

"Me 'n Luddie were playing and I ran into him," Alfred looked to him for support of the lie.

"I hit my nose on the ground... it hurts a lot." Ludwig made fake tears fall down his cheeks, "Can I go to the nurse?"

"Of course you can go, Alfred, you go with him." She rushed them inside looking worriedly at them, the boys in her class were always so clumsy.

"I can't believe that worked!" Ludwig looked at Alfred smiling.

"Yeah, it was one good plan," The boy looked back at him, "We make a good team, ya know?"

"Yeah, I guess we do~" Ludwig felt a little part of his heart get fuzzy.

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That day was the worst day of his life, not because he got beaten to a pulp by a girl, but it was because of that day, that everyday sense he has been with Alfred, clinging to each others side. Alfred wanted to be a hero, he always told that to Ludwig anyway, he had gotten sweet on his friend over the years, to such an extent that he wanted Ludwig to be closer to him than that, more than friends should be.

The second worse day of his life was of course three weeks after his tenth birthday, he and Alfred went on a pic-knick to the local park. Nether of them had innocent intentions, Ludwig had more than a slight crush on his friend, he just couldn't help it, Alfred was sweet and kind, and made him laugh. Alfred had come to love Ludwig's cute laugh, those beautiful azure eyes, and his soft golden hair, Alfred could go into such detail about Ludwig, it was almost scary. The only thing stopping them from admitting it was the fact that nether of them wanted to take the chance to ruin what they did have, but that all changed that day, well, they thought it would at least.

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"Come on Luddie~" Alfred called affectionately from the top of the hill.

"On my way!" Ludwig somehow managed to catch up to his hyper friend, "Why all the way up here, why not by the lake?" Ludwig looked toward the tree at the top of the hill and felt dread sink in. Please say they weren't here for that.

"I'm going on the suicide swing!" Alfred pointed at the rickety old piece of wood held up by cracking old rope.

The suicide swing was something idiotic young men ride on to try and impress their girlfriends, normally it does what is asked of it and whoever they show is in awe of them. But this time, it didn't.

"Alfred!" Ludwig shouted at him as the swing climbed into the air, "You'll hurt your self! Get Down!"

"I'll be fine. No one ever gets hurt on this-" Just as the swing reached it s highest, the branch gave a might creak, and the ropes snapped and Alfred was launched.

"ALFRED!" Ludwig voice came through as the world went black.

Ludwig ran as fast as he could to his friends side, doing the only thing he could do. He screamed. For help. For Alfred. He cursed god, damned the devil, blamed himself, and prayed that Alfred would be fine. For the first time in his life, Alfred, his hero, didn't seem invincible, he didn't seem immortal, he was more human than Ludwig had ever thought, and it was destroying his whole world.

He couldn't stop crying. Not when the first person found them, not as a crowd gathered, not even when the paramedics came to take Al to the hospital. They felt bad for the boy, so they let Ludwig come along. He gripped Alfred's hand, and watched him, fear playing in his eyes, tears spilling down his face, a mess was what best described him at that moment.

He didn't come to his senses until days after words. He came to in Gilbert's arms, his father glared at him from across the room, Gilbert had been holding him for three days, just after they took him away from the hospital. Ludwig didn't care what his father thought, he needed to know if Alfred was alright, and he got his answer. Not exactly.

"What happened to him!" Ludwig shouted, another burst of tears threatening to fall.

"He's alive, don't worry." Gilbert put his arms around the shaking boy, "But he won't be awake for a long time."

"What do you mean?" Di-spar painted Ludwig's expression.

"He's in a coma, he might wake up tomorrow, or in twenty years, no one knows..." Gilbert held him close again as Ludwig sobbed again. The kid had more guts than Gilbert did, he was showing their father his weakness, as if daring him to do anything about it.

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	2. Chapter 2

Ludwig walked into the hospital room, a small smile on his face.

"Hey Al," He dropped his backpack in the usual place and took his seat in the chair, looking at his friend, "Sorry I'm late, the bus was off today..."

Alfred laid dead still, his chest rose and fell with each breath, his hair fell over his closed eyes, his lips were still. Ludwig brushed the hair into place, and gently stroked Alfred's cheek, smiling at him lovingly. Alfred's arms where stiff against his sides form when they made his bed, he gently moved them to a position on Alfred's stomach. He remembered once when they were kids that they had gone to watch clouds, Alfred fell asleep and his hands had been folded over his stomach.

"I got a new book for us to read," Ludwig removed it from his backpack, "It's a murder story, I think you'll like it." He opened the book, and started reading the first line aloud, "In this world, life comes and goes, from and to where is something only the unborn and the dead know. It was one of those times, when no one seemed to notice every so often when someone passed on. I noticed, the year was-" The reast of the book was long and full of goar, he hopped at least Alfred liked it.

He heard the sound of a door close, and Ludwig announcement, waiting patently for Ludwig to go through his routten. Push back his hair, gentle hands on his, then he started reading, his beautiful voice pronunciating each letter carefully. Alfred only wished that he could say something, but he couldn't move, he could hear, taste, feel, and smell perfectly well, but moving was impossible for him. Ludwig read aloud to him everyday, he stayed at the hospital from when he got there at four, to ten at night, just sitting with Alfred, hopping he wakes up. A dream that should have died long ago, but Ludwig was stubern, and refused to quit. Alfred would not complain though, his family had long sense stopped visiting him, Ludwig was the only one who came to see him anymore. A small part of him wanted things to stay the way they where forever, but he knew it wouldn't last, and he was glad for that, he didn't like the fact that he couldn't answer Ludwig's questions, or do anything to help him when he was upset.

Ludwig was used to hospitals, having spent a good portion of his life in them. When he was a young child, he had been vary weak, spending weeks and weeks in a hospital bed. Then when

his mother came down with sickness, he spent every day at her side until she passed away. After that he had to come with his brother after he got injured from pulling his crap, mostly breaking bones from it. He had seen enough people in the hospital to hate it more than most, he often thought that if he could be a doctor he could fix many of the problems in the world, and had thought that way sense he was a kid. After what happened to Alfred, he knew that he needed to be a doctor, he didn't care what he had to do, no matter how much blood there was, he needed to do something to help.

Alfred wished a lot of things, that he hadn't gotten on that swing, but there was one thing he wanted even more, something that would make it so if he died in the hospital bed,it would be alright. He simply wanted a kiss from Ludwig. If he got that then his life would be compleat. What were the odds of that happening though? If he didn't die from this, he wanted to see the ocean, watch the stars, learn to dance, and just see the world with the person he loved most... but that person might not love him, they might laugh at him, they might never want to see him again, but he wanted to tell them. Everything.

"Ludwig, are you still here?" a nurse asked the boy reading to her patent.

"Yeah, I lost track of time..." Ludwig looked at his friend again, wishing he could stay.

"Visiting hours just ended, you should go home." nurse Katyusha was a nice young woman, having taken care of Alfred for the past three years, she had gotten to like his visitor. He was a fine young man, and she often wondered if he really meant the they were only friends, however, she didn't want to try and call him out for it, if it was what she thought it was, she should't say anything.

"Can I say good bye?" Ludwig looked at the motionless figure in the bed.

"Of course." Katyusha left, knowing that Ludwig liked to say his farewell in privet, and after having watched him one day, she couldn't blame him.

Once she was gone, Ludwig leaned down and kissed Alfred's forehead, "Good night, mine lieb." Ludwig then left the room, not wanting to be latter than usual, but as always, he turned to look back one last time at Alfred. A single tear fell down his face, and he left.

Alfred had had a long time to learn German, he had slowly worked out every sentence Ludwig had told him in his native toungue, so he knew what Ludwig had said. He desperately wanted to say something back, but his lips wouldn't work. He wanted to cry, but he couldn't shed a single tear. There was nothing he could do, and he was getting sick of being useless, but he couldn't voice his annoyance, he couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he was trapped in a useless body, and there was nothing he could do about it.


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry this took so long, I've been really distracted as of late with stuff... sorry! I hope I didn't keep anyone waiting too long for this... any way this is another chapter of this crap... this one ends in a cliff hanger! (not really!) Well lets get rolling!

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Alfred wondered vaguely what he looked like, what his half brothers looked like, how Mattie had turned out... if Ludwig was still shorter than him. He had had a lot of friends, but he didn't really care about them, he only wanted Ludwig, though people still came to him, acting as if he was 'with them', and Ludwig had often looked upset by that. Alfred didn't want girls to talk to him, he could tell it made Ludwig upset, maybe it made him doubt how Alfred felt about him, after all, when you have every girl in school wanting to be on your arm, it would make people wonder why you didn't pick one of them. Even back then, maybe even now he still could, he attracted pretty girls to his side, it was just something that happened.

He had told his half brother, Francis, that he thought he found someone special, that maybe he would spend the rest of his life with them, but he just couldn't get up the courage to ask them out. Francis just laughed, telling him to follow his heart, and that the girl would love him to. Alfred had lost the spine that day to tell his brothers he was gay, they thought his crush was on one of the girls from school, not the boy who followed him everywhere.

Ludwig, had always been two steps behind him, telling him he was his hero, boosting Alfred's ego. Ludwig hadn't really left his side sense third grade when Alfred had defended him from Netalia, and in some small way, Alfred had wished Ludwig would have noticed him sooner. Ludwig had been a cute kid, always smiling, hair always falling into his eyes, Alfred had been watching him sense first grade, enchanted by the boy. He had always known somewhere, deep, deep down, that he had less than innocent intentions, he wanted to clam Ludwig, so no one else could take him. Alfred wanted everyone to know, Ludwig was his, his to protect, his to play with, his to be with, no one else was aloud to even touch him. Whether Ludwig noticed or not, the other children did, they stayed away from him, not wanting to have to deal with Alfred's rage later on when Ludwig wasn't looking.

Alfred had been thinking about it a lot lately, and only now did he realize that, of course, Ludwig had noticed it. The way Alfred glared at the other boys when they came to close during Recess, the looks of disgust he gave to the girls when they gave Ludwig flowers after school. But Ludwig didn't seem to care, at the end of the day, walking home he always held Alfred's hand, talking excitedly about something. Alfred often thought back then that that was how it would stay forever, he would watch over Ludwig, and the boy would in turn, bring a smile to Alfred when he needed it, he was wrong. Now the thing he missed most about not being in a coma was walking hand in hand with Ludwig, stopping to pick flowers in the field near there houses, jumping in puddles, and giggling about how Young Soo had sprayed milk out of his nose.

Those days were long gone, memories eaten up by those of Doctors telling his family that they weren't certain he would ever wake up, the sound of Matthew crying, and drops of water on his arm. Days of Ludwig reading to him of adventure and intrege, and talking about his day, telling him how much he wished Alfred could be there with him. In the mornings, Katyusha would hum to herself, and every once in a while, she told him about how much Ludwig seemed to care for him, coming in everyday, the look in his eye when he had to leave. She often described it like "He seems like his heart is being torn in half, and part of it has been left with you for safe keeping." Alfred himself could picture that look, but he never wanted to.

He mentally sighed. Letting his mind wander to other things as he went into a realm where he wasn't asleep, but he was dreaming.

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Ludwig hopped off the bus that morning, and started to walk toward the looming building. He was joined by Feliciano and Kiku, his smaller friends smiled at him and they talked as they did every morning. He went to his home room as he did every morning, then his classes, he ate lunch as he did everyday, then he went to his next classroom. He spent his free period at the end of school in the library, looking for something to read to Alfred, he eventually chose 'Interview with a Vampire' it was a lengthy read, but he had heard good things about this book.

Ludwig was reading the back cover of the paperback when Feliciano took hold of his arm and gave it a soft squeaze. He started giggling when Ludwig looked at him with confusion, standing up straighter, never letting go of Ludwig's arm. Feliciano had something he wanted to tell him, smiling widely he opened his mouth, and started chattering on and on.

"Doitsu~ on Saturday we should go to the fair! Kiku won't be able to come because his brother is sick, but we can still go together~" Feliciano didn't care about the fair at all, it was his plan to get Ludwig to go on a date with him, whether he knew he was or not.

"Sorry Feliciano, I have things I need to get done this weekend... maybe another day." Ludwig intended on spending all of Saturday with Alfred, as he always did.

"Oh..." Feliciano's smile faltered for a moment, but he skipped off looking happy anyway. Inside he was sad, Ludwig was always bussy, never anytime for having fun, what did he even do all weekend?

Ludwig walked back to his locker, thinking, 'That was strange.' then again, Feliciano often did such things that should no longer cause him alarm. He was surprised to find that Kiku was waiting by his locker, looking rather nervous as he looked at his feet. Ludwig knew that Kiku must want something, as it seemed his friends always had something to say, even if that thing had just popped into their heads.

"Do you need something?" Ludwig saw Kiku jump as he began putting things into his locker.

"Ludwig-San!" Kiku turned a pail shad of pink, "I-I was j-just wondering i-if you wanted to study after school today."mid sentince he got his cool back and looked at Ludwig expectantly.

"Sorry, I already have plans for after school, maybe another time?" Ludwig gave him a simpathetic smile.

"Oh, uh, yes, very well then." Kiku walked off, murmuring about how he blew it.

Had Ludwig known his friends a little better than he did he might have realized that they were not exactly friends so much as they were a boy and two admirers. Ludwig was often oblivious to the suddl hints his friends seemed to drop as to what their feelings where. At that moment, Feliciano and Kiku where sitting in the library telling each other of their failure, as they did every time there affections where ignored.

"Why doesn't he notice us?" Feliciano said looking up from his sketch of Ludwig.

"I am not a sure..." Kiku was so depressed he let his accent slip out.

The pair's love for the third member of their trio came from four years ago, when they all started seventh grade. For Feliciano, the experiance was magical.

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Sorry, this ends short! More to come once I get around to it... It's mostly typed up already, but I'm lazy, so yeah don't expect it so soon.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Oh god I am so sorry for taking like... five months to get back to this! Which is ridiculous because I have five more pages for this typed up! There is no excuse for that... Please forgive me! ;n;**_

_**I'll power through this story for you guys, even thought I have no idea how I'm gonna end it. I'm sorry it took so long though... I love you all, you people are beautiful! ;u;**_

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><p>Feliciano was a weak boy, but as long as his brother was around no one picked on him, the reason being, his brother's admirer didn't like seeing the boy upset, and when Feliciano was upset, Loviano became irritated, and Antonio was a fierce protector. But one day, his brother was no where to be found, and as a consequence, Feliciano was getting picked on, the boys doing it where assholes and not only where they calling him names, they where hitting him too. As Feliciano begged them to stop, a fist came out of nowhere and socked the self appointed leader in between the eyes. Feliciano looked to see his savior, and recognized him as Ludwig Bendleschmit, the quiet boy in his science class. That day, Feliciano was sure that god had answered his praise and sent an angel down to protect him, and he fell head over heels in love with Ludwig.<p>

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Kiku's family had moved to America when he was thirteen, upon arriving at his new school, he was rudely ignored by everyone. Kiku was distressed by this, but he was sure it didn't matter, as he didn't have that many friends at his old school anyway. Half way threw the day someone started making fun of him, saying he talked funny, and calling him an alien, Kiku did not want to let this affect him, but it did, and he almost started to cry, when someone stood up for him.

"Leave him alone, whats he ever done to you?" the voice seemed to cause the abuser to back away slowly, and Kiku found himself standing next to a tall, very intimidating blond, his sharp blue eyes seemed to pierce Kiku's heart, and for a moment, he forgot to breath.

Kiku was grateful of what Ludwig had done, and he began hanging around Ludwig, finding that they had many common interests. By the end of the year, Kiku had become completely convinced they where soul mates, and would not rest until he could prove this to Ludwig as well.

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Kiku and Feliciano had learned that they both wanted to be with Ludwig two years ago, and they had decided that whoever could get a date with him first would get to have him, unfortunately nether of them where ever successful. As a consequence they always managed to make it awkward for Ludwig when he got caught between them, so they thought he was always 'Busy' because he didn't want to be around them. Of course, nether of them knew that in Elementary school, there had been a boy who had been very, very special to Ludwig, and that was why he did not spend time with them.

Ludwig hoped on the bus and waited until they got close the the hospital before getting off and walking the rest of the way. He said hello to the people he past, making sure that Katyusha knew he was there as he approached Alfred's room, smiling at him sadly. Doing as he did everyday, before he started reading aloud. He felt tears falling down his face, but he did nothing about it, he often cried when he read to Alfred, but he didn't stop reading. Instead he held the book to hid his face and ignored the pure pain and sorrow falling from his eyes.

His childhood sweetheart was making his fragile heart suffer. If Alfred where dead, Ludwig might be able to move on, but Alfred was clinging to life, which gave him hope. As long as Alfred's heart beat, Ludwig would never leave his side, that was a promise Ludwig had made to Alfred the day he entered this horrible place between life and death. But all to often Ludwig's heart would brake, because he saw children on the swings at the play ground, or when he saw a boy standing up for a friend. Anything that reminded him of Alfred could set him off, most days he managed to get home before he started to weep. When he didn't he avoided everyone and hid somewhere until the tears stopped coming.

Ludwig blamed himself for what happened, he knew he could have stopped Alfred, but he didn't, and it was his fault. He constantly beat himself up for it, he would never stop hating himself, even if Alfred woke up and told him he forgave him.

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Ludwig slipped his notebook into his backpack, sighing sadly. Friday had come again, meaning he would avoid human contact, and spend his time with Alfred at the hospital. As his mind wandered he felt eyes burning into his back, and turned to see Arthur glaring at him. Ludwig had done his best to avoid Alfred's family, but it seemed he could not hid from them forever. Arthur seemed to charge forward, snarling, Ludwig braced himself for the verbal abuse he was about to receive.

"You kraut!" Arthur screamed at Ludwig, "It's your fault!" Arthur had been angered by his step brother earlier and was taking it out on Ludwig, blinded by fury.

Ludwig said nothing, he looked down. He didn't need Arthur to tell him what he already thought.

As Arthur continued to demean him, verbally tear him apart, and destroy his self confidence. He did not notice the change in Ludwig's demeanor, the darkness that seemed to surround him, Arthur looked away and began to tell Gilbert that his brother was a demon bastard and he would rot in hell. When Arthur got back to Ludwig he was surprised to see that Ludwig was not his usual self, and in fact Arthur's rant about his brother had set Ludwig off, his fragile heart ripped open.

Ludwig's shoulders shook, his head down, tears flowing out and falling to the earth and leaving small droplets. He looked up when he realized that Arthur had stopped and looked at him through blurry, red eyes. Those who had gathered stared in shock at this, they had never once seen Ludwig cry, it was disturbing. Gilbert moved forward, knowing his brother needed his comfort, but Ludwig turned and ran before Gilbert could get to him.

"LUDWIG!" Gilbert called after him, he then turned to Arthur, his eye twitching, "You just had to do that didn't you?" the edge in his voice was biting, almost a growl.

"I didn't know he was going to-" Arthur was slapped across the face.

"He still blames himself for what happened! You know that he couldn't have done anything!" Gilbert looked about ready to strangle the Brit, "Ludwig's been going threw hell for what happened!"

"Well he could have stopped Alfred!" Arthur glared back, "If I had been there-"

"You couldn't have changed anything ether!" Gilbert snarled, "Tell me, when was the last time you went to see Alfred in the hospital?"

"Well that was-" Arthur paused and instead answered, "I've had a lot to do lately..."

"Ludwig spends all of his free time at the hospital, visiting_ your_ brother! And you haven't seen him in years!" Gilbert stepped forward menacingly.

Arthur looked at him, astonished. He now felt very, very bad.

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	5. Chapter 5: Living Hell

Ludwig did not say hello to the nurses or patents as he ran through the halls. The sound of his sneakers hitting the ground with a dull thud seemed to echo, like the harsh breathing coming out ragged from his chest. He had ran, he had ran all the way to the god damn hospital, because he didn't know where the hell else he should have gone.

Katyusha had shouted something as he skidded to a stop, panting in front of Alfred's bed. he stood like that for a few moments, and then he fell. his eyes were on Alfred's closed ones, and his head dropped onto Alfred's chest, fingers curling tightly into the stiff scrubs they'd but on hi. He sobbed. He sobbed because it was true, he was vile, he could have stopped Alfred, could have kept him from doing something so reckless, but Alfred had just looked so excited and eager to prove himself.

"I-I'm s-so... sorry Alfred-" he chocked out, gripping tighter, he was on his knees, and he looked so unsteady, about to fall,"I-I should'a- I shouldn't have let you... Mein Gott... P-Please... d-Don't ..." his shoulders seemed to heave with effort of breathing, "D-don't leave m-me, I know I... I'm not a good p-person, and it's my fault you're- but I never meant, I never wanted to see you get... hurt..."

Katyusha was standing in the doorway, she wanted to help, wanted to make that poor boy, that sweet boy, stop crying. She didn't know what to do. She didn't know what was wrong or why he was so shaken by it, or what he was even talking about. Her extent of the knowledge on why Alfred was here was head trauma. She could only guess Ludwig had been there, and he must feel guilty for what happened to him, but she still wasn't sure how to help him. He might not even want her help.

"I promise- just... just wake up. Please Al... I c-can't do this alone anymore..."

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Alfred had been waiting almost patently, Ludwig would be there soon, he could always tell when it got to be that time of day. He could hear fast footsteps, a thought came into his head, someone must be dying somewhere. But they stopped, slowed would be a better word, and they came into the room. Alfred heard a loud clunk a creak as arms, a head laid on to his stomach , and he could feel the dampness immediately Something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"I-I'm s-so... sorry Alfred-" those words seemed choked by tears, and the body laid against him trembling as if breathing was an effort.

"I-I should'a- I shouldn't have let you... Mine Gott... P-please... Don't..." his heart immediately ached at the should of Ludwig's strained, pain-filled voice.

"D-don't leave m-me, I know I... I'm not a good p-person, and it's my fault you're- but I never meant, I never wanted to see you get... hurt..." Alfred wanted to scream, it wasn't Ludwig's fault, nothing could ever be his fault! Didn't he get it? Alfred would never blame him, even if it had been, Alfred would have done anything to sooth the fear and worry and sadness in that normally melodic voice. But it doesn't work that way, when you're little more than a human vegetable.

"I promise- just... just wake up. Please Al... I c-can't do this alone anymore..." Didn't he realize Alfred was trying?! He was trying so hard, he wanted to so much, if only to comfort Ludwig, to show him everything was alright, to calm him, to hush him and tell him everything was fine and that he was back and 'no don't cry', but he couldn't.

He just couldn't FUCKING do it.

He couldn't be there for the one person he loved most in the whole world as they cried their eyes out, and it was such a horrible feeling, he couldn't do anything! Couldn't Ludwig see it was ALFRED'S fault?! That if he hadn't been such a little asshole Ludwig wouldn't be having to go through with all of this pain and suffering?! Why didn't Ludwig just leave, ditch him, be happy somewhere else, with someone else? Why did he make himself suffer?

"I... I miss you so much... I just realized-" Alfred had to strain to hear the words that were being whispered into his stomach, "I never got to say... I love you..."

The truth was, after all Ludwig had said over the years, he had never said those words together in that way. If Alfred was physically able to right now, he would weep, harder than Ludwig was, in all likelihood. Even as those choked sobs got louder, more violent, Ludwig still struggled to speak. He mumbled, mused things that he never spared much thought to, because if he was making unreal demands, he wanted to know how things ended up the way they did.

Alfred wanted to know what God to curse for this hellish life he'd pulled Ludwig into with him, and he wanted to know why their torment couldn't finally end. If Alfred was dead Ludwig could move on, could mourn, but he could live on, find someone who could love him, hold him, whisper sweet, kind words to him. someone who could move and talk and sing and dance and hold the poor boy when he cried like this, someone who could make it all better. Alfred had hoped that could have been him, but it never worked out like he had wanted it to.

He wanted to spring to life and gather the crying boy into his arms, to stop his crying. He would not do that, he would continue to lay like a lump on a log as Ludwig sobbed into his stomach uncontrollably, begging and crying for him to wake up. 'Don't leave me' the words echoed in his head.

Leave? Such a funny thought, you need to be able to wake up to walk out of a room forever. No, Alfred was going to stay in that bed until he rotted into it's sheets, his bones fused with the bed frame, when his hair was dusted off the pillow for someone else to take his slow rotting hell from him and have it as their own until they too rotted into nothing.

Until that day Ludwig would show up and he would cry, no matter what else he would do, he would cry while doing it. He cried when he adjusted Alfred's arms and mussed his hair, when he he talked about his day, when he would read to him, and when he would sometimes just sit there and hold Alfred's hand in his, the tears would fall onto his skin, or catch his voice and he couldn't do much else but sit there and listen and feel.

If Alfred wasn't already in hell, he was a little worried what the real place would be like, because he couldn't imagine a world worse than this.

He was living in hell. That had to be it.

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><p>So hey everyone. Thanks for not finding my IP address and hunting me down and threatening me with pitchforks and torches.<p>

I might not have posted this until Gott knows when if I hadn't been looking thought the Germerica fic's and saw my own... unupdated and sad looking...

Makes you feel really bad sometimes to not post for... nearly a year... awkward... But I'm determined to keep my promise, and finish this. IF I D NOTHING ELSE THIS YEAR I WILL FINISH THIS!


	6. Chapter 6: The Storm is Sighted

_Guess what guys?! Another chapter!_

_Sorry I make you wait so long, but I've been really bad about keeping things in the loop. So to speak. But no, this had become top priority. I will finish this hopefully within the next few months, I know what I want to do with it, and some of you may hate me for a while in the middle of it, but I know what will be done._

_Thank you to all the lovely people who follow this story, I'm sorry if I frustrate you._

_-Em_

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><p>Ludwig cried, he admitted that, even when he had finished. Alfred had been stiff like a board, rigor mortus stiff; A corpse covered with a scratchy sheet. But once his tears dried up, unable to continue any longer, he sat and ran his hand through Alfred's hair. His eyes dull, face pale and sickly, his eyes were those of a corpse, much like his beloved. If anyone had seen him at that moment, they would have thought it cruel to place a body from the mortuary next to the bed of a peacefully sleeping boy. Katyusha looked solemnly on, not able to bring herself to take a place beside the mourning boy, not able to look in his eyes and see the empty pain. She had seen those eyes many times in the trauma ward, but Alfred wasn't yet dead.<p>

She had fooled herself into thinking that Ludwig was coming to enjoy the company of his dearest friend, she understood with a new sort of horrible clarity that Ludwig came to mourn. Even if Alfred woke up right now, he would not be the boy Ludwig remembered or loved, he never had the chance to grow up, and Ludwig wouldn't know him anymore. The ice blue eyed boy idolized Alfred, had boosted him onto a pillar that no one could reach, could touch, not even the boy himself. If Alfred woke now, he would only disappoint Ludwig, not intentionally, not even if he'd tried, but because Ludwig's idea of the boy must have aged up as well, he expected someone different from the boy who would wake up.

Alfred would still be a child, and Ludwig would be a man, and no matter how much Ludwig loved him, he wasn't the sort you would expect to stay with someone who acted anything less than their age. Katyusha cried into her handkerchief, quiet so not to disturb Ludwig and his silent vigil and she moved to make her runs, seeing that all her patents were properly attended to.

When she returned an hour latter, Ludwig was reading to Alfred, his voice hid the obvious pain shown from his stiff shoulders and hunched back, but Alfred couldn't see him like it, so he probably didn't care what anyone else thought. How long could Ludwig keep up the act of being fine? Being made of stone instead of fragile glass. She knew the answer would be something along the lines of waiting for Alfred to pass on, but she could see the cracks forming already. She had noticed them before, but had never quite paid attention to them as she did now.

Ludwig was slipping. His calm exterior was cracking. He was falling to ribbons inside, but he'd hidden that, there would be nothing to hid what she could tell was coming. He might not see it, but she could. Alfred was running out of time. If he didn't wake up soon, Ludwig might put himself in the hospital, or worse. She felt awful for thinking it, for considering it, but perhaps...

... just maybe...

... maybe it would be better if Alfred was dead.


	7. Chapter 7: Reflections

_So I guess I'm doing two updates this week. Because I got a review this morning and it was upsetting because I need to clarify things. And I know people don't want me to drone on and on, so I'm gonna do it with the story._

_-Em_

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><p>Gilbert sighed, Ludwig had just gotten home looking like shit, as he always did. He was worried about his brother, and had been for a long time. But the younger would just brush his questions off, give a half-assed excuse that not even he believed. His eyes were red and bloodshot, his hair was dull, and his face was pale except for the raw rubbed parts of his cheeks from mopping up the the tears.<p>

As if to top off Gilbert's worries, Ludwig was going another night without dinner, saying he was tired and just wanted to go to bed. That made three in a row, and if he hadn't seen the boy eating at school he would really be worried about his health. As he walked toward his own room that night, he could hear the quiet sobs emanating from behind Ludwig's closed door and he had to hold himself back from bursting in to comfort his brother; He knew from experience that wouldn't solve anything.

It just seemed as though he couldn't do anything, and that was not a feeling Gilbert liked. He was a leader, he gave orders, he was a people person, he always new just what to say and when to say it (granted it wasn't what most people wanted to hear) so not knowing to do to help his own brother when he really needed it, well it was killing him. He caught himself staring at the pinewood door, he was terrified by the thought Ludwig wouldn't tell him what was wrong, wouldn't share the burden; They were brothers weren't they?! Shouldn't brothers share everything?

He sulked to his own room, slamming the door as always and making the crack in the wood make sounds of protest. Falling onto his bed he hid his face into his pillow and took a deep breath, he was frustrated. He was too awesome to let Ludwig suffer in relative silence, he was failing his little brother, he was sick and tired of it. Well no more!

Starting tomorrow, he was going to be the best brother ever, and he would never let Ludwig suffer like that again. He stared up at the paint splatters on the ceiling, his mind drew back to something he hadn't thought of in a long time.

.

.

.

_"Come on Ludwig!" their mother said, she held Gilbert's hand as he pressed it to the wall, "What color do you want your hand print to be? How about blue?"_

_"B-blue!" a very young Ludwig bounced on his heels as their mother put his hand in the small pool of sky blue on the paper plate and moved it for him to the wall near the light switch._

_"Good job! Let's go show vati!" she picked him up, not minding that his paint covered hand fell partially in her hair, grabbing the still damp red stained hand of her oldest son, and walking them through their new home. They'd only just moved to America, the boy's father had gotten a transfer at work and he'd happily taken his family along with him. Their mother was from America originally, and had been happy to come back to her home country. They' only just gotten there, and Gilbert already loved their new house. His mom had even helped him splatter paint his room._

_"Vati! Vati!" Gilbert shouted happily, "Come see what we did!"_

_"Ah! Kinder? What did you get into now?" he asked jokingly, a fond smile on his face._

_"You'll just have to see Aldric." their mother said playfully, flashing a smile as she ran with the boys back to their rooms, her husband walking quickly behind._

_"See Vati! See!" Gilbert hopped up and down, pointing at his red palm print on the oddly splattered wall._

_"What did you do?" there was laughter in their fathers eyes as he picked up his oldest, smiling at him._

_"Mutti helped us!" _

_"Mu-te-te!" Ludwig babbled, his blue hand now coating their mother's shoulder in paint as it flailed around with it's chubby toddler fineness._

_"Look Gill, Ludwig's hand can fit inside yours." their mother smiled, petting her little boy's hair, "You know what that means?"_

_"Hu? What?" Gilbert tilted his head, "What does it mean?"_

_"Because you're hand's bigger than his, that means you have to hold his when he needs your strength." she pressed a kiss to his head, and one to their father's cheek, "Now I need to wash Luddie up, be good for your vati."_

_._

_._

_._

"I promise mutti..." Gilbert whispered to himself, feeling his heart ache at the thought of his beautiful mother who he found hard to remember at times. It wasn't fare, why was it hard to remember her voice, he wondered if Ludwig remembered her better than he did. It had been so long sense they had sat down to talk, really talked.

It was silly, but he felt so horrible for not remembering his promise, for not honoring his mother, and for not being the older brother Ludwig needed him to be.


End file.
